Dog or Baby?
by Caitie Leibman
“Dog or baby?” my coworker asked.
It wasn’t that strange of a question. As they scaled the lip of the gate and crossed into my office, I realized that my choices were going to draw some attention. I arranged my schedule so that my child would come with me to the office a few mornings each week before we headed to the daycare center. The white gate was there to help me contain my rolly-polly baby, I explained.
It was such an obvious addition to my office that now, three years later, I get a little impatient at people’s surprise. Why shouldn’t there be a gate here? Then again, when I was newly pregnant, I recognized that I had known plenty of women who led whole, integrated lives.
Years ago, at a regional writing center conference, I watched a director present alongside her students with a baby sling wrapped around her shoulders. She rocked and swayed with her infant as she explained how her staff had recently redesigned their professional development curriculum.
A few years after that, I sat beside a fellow collegiate speech coach at a national awards ceremony as she ducked under a blanket to breastfeed her baby.
When I got pregnant, I asked colleagues if they would talk with me about their experience taking family leave from work. They were generous and candid with me. My situation wasn’t going to look quite like any of theirs, but that wasn’t the point. I was trying to brace for the unknown, and these glimpses of others’ experiences helped me start a collage in my mind — a gallery of what was possible.
The gate was a no-brainer for me.
“Does anybody give you crap for having your kid come by?” a new colleague asked recently. Their oldest was the same age as mine.
I told them about my experience, “my two cents with a grain of salt” I warned, but I was glad to be asked. Our conversation — and this reflection here — is not about “doing it all” or “work/life balance.” (I reject most of those frameworks.) Instead, these are images of how we make it work and how we might breathe into our whole, rich lives.
The gate is my reminder that it matters what I make visible and what I make available for discussion. Crossing that threshold with me is a choice. The gate is not one-size-fits-all, but in my space, I’m going to focus on what’s possible.
The blog posts in Forward. Together. are intended to foster an inclusive community of empathy and curiosity at Doane University by providing a glimpse into various individual identities and worldviews. These are community members’ unique stories and should not be presumed to be the experience of all who share the same identity.
